Thursday, February 26, 2009

Letting Go.......

Why is letting go one of the hardest things to do?

I felt like I was through the pain of my three miscarriages but this week has proven that I am not. The Bible Study was based on Jacob, Rachel, and Leah and this last week (today) was on Leah having the first 4 sons. The topic was on Leah and how, in her "weak" state (unloved by everyone), was seen by God and He gave her the honor of having the first sons. She had three in the hopes that NOW her husband would love her, her 4th son had the realization that Jacob still did not "love" her but God did, so she praised God. We also talked about how important it is errr....was to have children and so on....I had to leave the conversation for a few minutes to compose myself.

Why do I KNOW that God will give me the joys of my heart, but for some reason, I don't believe He would do that for I am the exception. Does that even make sense? I pray a lot that HIS WILL BE DONE, but do I believe it whole heartedly? And WHY do I think that?

I feel that this whole miscarriage biz has changed my relationship with Him. I don't sing at church with my whole heart anymore and that hurts me more than anything. How can I bring it back? I pray He will show me the answers soon.....

PS I try to add fun and interesting blogs but I only really feel like blogging when something happens.....

1 comment:

  1. You thought you were having a baby, but you had an angel instead. We'll never know why our babies were taken from us, or why it has to happen more than once. My advice is to offer up your suffering, your pain, your confusion, and ask God to help you cope with the inability to understand it all. There is a bigger plan out there and it so doesn't make sense right now, but it's through blind faith that we have to trust that God knows what he is doing. Always remember that it's ok to cry and scream "It Sucks" as loud as you can. But, more importantly, take it to God, cry your whole heart out to Him --- He has more blessings to bestow on you~ you don't want to miss them.